from "Oryx and Crake" by Margaret Atwood

"It wasn't the sex," he says to her. She doesn't answer, but he can feel her disbelief. He's making her sad because he's taking away some of her knowledge, her power. "It wasn't just the sex." A dark smile from her; that's better. "You know I love you. You're the only one." She isn't the first women he's ever said that to. He shouldn't have used it up so much earlier in his life, he shouldn't have treated it like a tool, a wedge, a key to open women. By the time he got around to meaning it, the words had sounded fraudulent to him and he'd been ashamed to pronounce them. "No, really," he says to Oryx.

No answer, no response.

New hair cut

The back is shorter now.  I am trying to avoid the mullet by letting the front catch up with the back. 

Curesearch Milestone Walk

The walk was fabulous. It was the first walk for pediatric cancer in Illinois. The weather was gorgeous, the crowd was happy, sweet, and fun to be around. There was more than enough food and prizes for all. Kids behaved. Adults looked excited to be there. The feeling of hope, inspiration, and survival were in the air. My fabulous friends, De and Kyle, were there to support me, walk with me, and share in this life experience with me. We had a fun time reading other team's t-shirts while soaking up all the bright colors and smiles. The actual walk was only 2.5 miles, and the event was over by noon. It couldn't have been more perfect.

The opening ceremony was touching. A couple of doctors talked, including one of my professor's husband, who is a pediatric oncologist at Loyola. The survivors we walked for had an awesome medal ceremony, and for those we walked in memory of we paid tribute. I was able to release a balloon in honor of Nathan. As I stood in front of the crowd representing my team, my family, and my nephew I was overwhelmed by the love I felt in that moment. A vocalist sang "I will Remember You" and our balloons soared beautifully in the air. As we cried, the woman next to me and I embraced. This perfect stranger, whom I have never talked to, and I held each other and I knew that she knew something of the feeling inside me. It was beautiful. I often feel lonely with my grief here in Chicago without my family, but that woman whom I have still never talked to, made the loneliness go away at least for those few minutes. This walk was incredibly special to me. Thank you for all of your support.

Here is a website with a few pictures from the walk - To view the incredible pictures please go to:
http://www.100reasons.feliciareneephotography.com/ and choose "CureSearch Walk" from menu options.

"Feminism is for Everybody"

I am at this time reading one of those life changing books. Bell Hooks book "Feminism is for Everybody" has made me even clearer about what it is to be involved in the the feminist movement, what the feminist movement is all about, and what it is to be a feminist - and, this is coming from a self proclaimed feminist in a Women's Studies graduate program. It is a short 100 page, non-academic, book for the masses - it is the kind of book you want to hand to all the people that say "I'm not a feminist, but..."
I just came across a quote that I wanted to remember and share here.

"If any female feels she needs anything beyond herself to legitimate and validate her existence, she is already giving away her power to be self-defining, her agency."
-Bell Hooks, Feminism is for Everybody, p.95

Kleenex

I have great co-workers. My circulation desk manager knows I love bright colors and am knee deep in allergy season so she occasionally brings me cute tissue boxes that remind her of me. This is the one I got today:

Bitching Post

*UPDATE* This person still sucks.

This is a bitching post.

You ever have one of those people in your life that when you try to plan things all you ever end up doing is what matters to them?

I have this "friend" and the stuff I want to do, and the trips that are important to me, she could care less about it. "Oh, sure. maybe. if I have time." Or, she will say "Yes! that sounds great!" Then cancel on me later. And, sometimes I get that. People are more likely to do things that are important to them, but when you find that you are always going to places that she wants to go to and she suggests, and all of the things that are important to me get put on the back burner it really starts to suck.

And, when I stop asking her to do things or planning things with her she gets upset with me, because I don't want to hang out. Well now, no I don't. Before it wasn't that I didn't want to hang out I just wanted some follow through on the things I wanted to do every now and again. Now I just keep getting more and more ticked off. Each time I start to come around she does it again. I have to stop hanging out or stop caring, cause I'm really tired.

New Goal

While at work get up and walk around the building and/or up and down the stairs once every hour.